An Excerpt from Through Bended Grass
My Novel April 21st, 2008Alright, after way too long, I’m finally feel ready to reveal Through Bended Grass to the world in a more concrete form. It took me a while (and several good conversations with the two Shawn/Sean’s) to find a chapter I was comfortable with to represent the novel.
Originally I was going to post the first interlude, a short chapter that comes after Chapter Four and is from the POV of Fithéal, Rowan’s companion leprechaun, but in the end it just didn’t make sense for several reasons. I love Fithéal – I think he’s an utterly charming and fun character, despite his social deficiencies – and I think my readers will, too; he’s Rowan’s guide through the Fey world and is a cynical devil on her shoulder as she discovers all the wonders along her journey. The problem, however, is that he’s not Rowan. Obviously it’s important for the first impression of potential readers (you guys!) to accurately reflect the novel they are thinking of reading. To that end, I decided that the best chapter to post as an excerpt was also the most obvious: Chapter One.
Chapter One opens the novel and, if I say so myself, starts off with a compelling situation and jumps right into the action. It’s a great way to meet Rowan, her young son Lewis and to be introduced to the main plot device driving the story. There’s a lot of foreshadowing throughout the first novel, but I try to keep the magical elements to a minimum, giving the reader just a small taste of what it would be like to have Fey Magic invade our world. This is just the beginning for Rowan and this chapter gives her just a little taste of what’s to come.
I know you’re eager for it (humour me for a second, will ya?) and I won’t keep you from it any longer. Hopefully it’ll be worth the wait!
Download chapter one of Through Bended Grass
Can’t wait to hear what you all think (for good or ill)!
April 22nd, 2008 at 2:36 pm
My only suggestion is that you ease the reader into the flashback. One minute she’s lost her son, the next she’s worried about her job. Maybe instead of a scene break, she can review the day in her mind, looking for some clue of who might have taken him? (Since it doesn’t seem likely that it’s his father–or is is?)
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:54 am
Aidan,
I really liked the excerpt. It did everything that the first chapter of a story should do - introduced us to the first major conflict. In doing so, we not only have an infinite amount of questions which serve as motivation to continue to read, but it also does a fantastic job of creating apathy between us, the readers, and your characters.
By the end of the chapter, I was able to relate with Rowan, to feel her distress as the disappearance of her son, to understand just how terrible that feeling is to her - just cause you have a kid these days doesn’t mean you’re a good parent - and we have no illusions that she truly cares.
I thought your writing was top notch to be honest. I really enjoyed the fact that your first person character is from Ireland, and the writing itself kept with the nuances of Great Briton English - “Mum” and “favourite”; this is a really cool subtle way to bring the reader closer to the character and give a feel of setting.
I also understand what Tia is trying to say above about the scene change, however after reading it a couple of times, it’s grown on me and I like it. I’m not saying to leave it exactly the way it is, but the current style of it is rather cool once you wrap your mind around it.
Overall I really enjoyed the excerpt, if you feel like posting more, please do. I’d like to know what’s going on, why Lewis’s dad talks funny, who he is and a million more answers.
Keep it up!
Mark
April 24th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Ditto on the above.
I have given some thought about our talk over how to present the pretense for Rowan telling us the story, and i’ve come to the conclusion: scratch it. Just dive in headfirst, the reader decided to read the book, thats reason enough for her to tell the story. Unless you’ve got a fantastic and new medium to present it in, just go for it as is. The only two i can think of right off the top of my head is the “this is my story,” or the not so different POV writing down thier story, and truly both of these have been played out. Your book will not suffer from going with one of those, but nor will it suffer from not going with one.
And to throw my perception of the excerpt out their for public consumption: I liked it. I thought the writing was solid, I think the hook is solid, and from what I’ve read, the story is compelling. There is enough imagery to pull us in and make us believe that Rowan is a person with a little boy. Good attention to details with the stegosaurus nightlight and dinosaur covers. I can almost imagine Rowan stepping on a lego with her barefoot (feel free to incorparate that if you don’t think its overdoing it–i’m not one, but i’m sure every parent in the world could connect with it).
One quick idea also while I’m at it againm,
Right there at the very beginning, the line: Had been stolen.
To me this is the perfect time for it, and I agree with the one short line paragraph. It epitomizes despair (at least to me) and sounds like something i would write. However, I think it might be a little more powerful if you shortened it further to: Stolen. to me thats more impactful, but its purely about personal style, take it or leave it. Just think the “had been” is unnecessary, in such a time of sheer world collapse who is going to take the time to make sure that they think or feel in complete grammatically correct sentences. Like when something bad happens you think F***, not “I, sir, have been F***ed.” lol, a little over the top but you get the point.
All in all, its a book i would read. The story pulls you in and doesn’t let you out until the whole chapter is finished. And unless you are heartless, you’ll care.
Funny aside (but unrelated): When I finished my story, I think my dad felt left out b/c i had my “mum” proofread it. He came to me one day and told me that if I need any help with it to feel free to ask him “I’m pretty good with grammical stuff.” Grammical, gotta love it.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Tia,
I agree that the transition is a little abrupt, but it’s mostly intentional. I’m a big fan of the show Lost and they do something similar at the beginning of each episode - introduce the main storyline for the episode (chapter) and then cut away to a flashback that usually contrast heavily in tone and pacing.
Perhaps it works better on television than on paper, but it’s an effect I like to play around with. Different strokes for different folks, I suppose? It’s definitely a part of the chapter that’ll I’ll take a closer look at, though and see if there’s a way I can improve the transition. My creative writing instructor at school suggested telling the whole chapter in a more linear fashion, without the jumping around in the timeline.
Jax,
I’m glad you enjoyed the story. A first-person perspective can be a hard sell a lot of the time, especially if the narrator doesn’t stack up, so it’s encouraging to know that Rowan was up to snuff.
I’m also glad to know that her paternal instincts came across well, as you’ll learn in the next chapter, she had a rough childhood that led to a reckless youth. Lewis changed a lot of things about her and she’s working hard to be a good mother.
Being a male - with no kids, nonetheless! - writing a believable single-mother will certainly be a challenge! I’ve always been drawn to writing from the female perspective, though.
I left a couple of hints out of the excerpt that point to Rowan being from not Ireland but rather from Australia. She has a lot of Irish in her family, however, and that’s where the language comes through. Oddly enough, the “favourite” and “mum” thing come more from me being Canadian than any concsious decision on my part. I’m glad it works!
If this chapter is well recieved (and it seems to be so far!) I’ll certainly be releasing another excerpt in the future. Keep an eye on the blog.
Sean,
Glad you enjoyed it, if you care about Rowan by the end of the first chapter, I can only hope you continue to care about her, Lewis and the rest of the cast more and more as the story moves on.
We’ve talked pretty well online, but I’d just like to thank you again for all the time you’ve already put in and all the suggestions you’ve had for the story. It’s humbling to know that there’s someone out there who cares enough about Rowan’s story to want to see it improve.Your suggestions never fall of deaf ears and, even if they don’t all make it into the story.
Thanks to everyone for stopping by with your thoughts, you don’t know how much I appreciate it.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Good job of setting the whole of the situation up. The main thing I noticed after reading this was that I hadn’t noticed. But I had got the picture, because it was well-established. Nice work.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Stephen,
Thanks for dropping by. Obviously, this being the first chapter it only shows a small glimpse of what’s ahead of Rowan. I take Rowan, and her search for Lewis, in some pretty neat directions and hopefully I’ll be able to do them justice!
I’m curious about the things you felt you ‘hadn’t noticed’?
Everyone,
A couple of you have mentioned that the chapter left you looking for answers (which is obviously my intention) and I’d love to hear you all feel are the most compelling and interesting questions posed in the chapter.
April 27th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Lol, what happened to Lewis. Is that to subtle? The lesser questions that have to be asked are: What is the nature of Lew’s father? Why does he like dinosaurs so much, heheh? And what is/are Rowan’s feeling towards the father? I did find myself wondering at that. Does she hate him? Is she terrified that her son is with him? you know, beyond the standard terrified that any mother would be at the loss of her son. Did she ever fear he’d come back? Why did he leave? Some of the questions are a combination from the prologue to the first chapter. Then we get to the issue of magic, what ramifications did it have on Lewis to be born of a father with magic? (i recall her recognizing the smell, of earth and loam and magic, i think). Now that i am thinking of it, i’m interested to see how you handle the stolen child situation, is she going to go to the police? I am betting that you sidestepped that with her not wanting to go b/c she look like a moron b/c of the magic issue. But if so, then it had better be darn clear to her that it was his father, b/c there is always the chance (in a realistic world) that it was someone else than the real father. But i gotta admit, the chapter where she calls teh police missing kid report etc..doesn’t sound like a real winner, lol, sorry if thats chapter 2, hehe. But thats just my take on it.
April 28th, 2008 at 4:22 am
The things I hadn’t noticed? Just that I was getting a lot of info at all; you really have got a lot happening here. What I mean is that your background info for the action of the chapter doesn’t get in the way at all. It’s like a living part of the chapter, not just info the reader needs to know.
April 28th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Aidan,
Again, outstanding job in my opinion. You’re right, it’s hard to write about someone you’re not, especially in the first person. However, you seem to have a great sense of apathy - you were well able to convince us that a mother was telling the story. Rowan sounds interesting, and that’s important as well.
Oh and you bet, I’ll check the website often.
Thanks!
April 30th, 2008 at 8:03 am
Sean,
I’m happy to say you’ll be getting answers to each of your questions. I obviously won’t spill the beans now, but the first three chapters deal with much of what you were wondering.
Of course I save the really juicy stuff (who the father really is, why he has Lewis, etc…) for later in the novel. But it’s all worked out and I think worth the wait.
The next chapter, thank god, is not Rowan speaking to the police, but it does recount a bit of the visit.
Stephen,
Glad to hear that. It’s hard to properly weave important background information into a story without bogging down the actual action. It’s relatively easier in this chapter because it’s so short, hopefully I’ll be able to continue the trend as the chapters increase in length and more background information is needed to fill the reader in on things.
Jax,
The more I write through Rowan’s eyes, the better I get to know her and the more real she becomes to me. Funny enough, I’ve actually taken to speaking in similar ways to Rowan over the last several weeks.
Or maybe she’s speaking like me….
May 1st, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Love the title by the way, through bended grass…. Although I read glass and have to namecheck myself EVERY time I look at it. Just because I once studied physics and the phase bended glass makes me have happy thoughts about refractive indexes, lcd plasma screens and optical fibres…. Hmm….
Anyway.
Wow, first page, that is definitely an attention grabber.
Do you have a prologue? You really won’t need one with an attention grabbing start like that. Snatched children, distraught mother, straight to the point. And then to seal the deal, just to prove that you do care about emotions behind characters we get a little history so we do actually know who Lewis is.
You’ve got a lovely amount of detail to your prose, summing up all the essentials of motherhood in five short pages. Your pacing is spot on, writing solid and asking all the essential questions.
As I noticed on the comments on your blog, you mention flashbacks always working better on TV than in paper. That’s true to an extent, but sticking a big black marker announcing; “Three days earlier” above the text would look crude and really, really unnecessary.
I had no problem realising that’s what it was, although for a second I did wonder if it was a flashback from the ‘daddy’s POV’. And, although I’m sure that’d be an interesting story, it looks like Rowan’s the person you’re going to deliver through.
So good luck with that and looking forward to more further on down the line.
May 2nd, 2008 at 9:54 am
You’re probably speaking like her.
Writers have it hard, they have to “get into character” for all the characters in a book. Actors have it easy, they only have to do it once per role. (Exception: Faceoff)
Anyway, Keep up updated.
Mark
May 3rd, 2008 at 11:11 am
Swifthom,
Thanks for the kind words.
The more I look at the title, the more and more I like it. I really think it sums up the story nicely, has a direct tie to the plot and Irish Mythology. In fact, the chapter I just finished, Chapter Nine: Four Leaf Clovers and Bended Grass, is the first, among several, concrete reasons behind the title.
Those familiar with Irish/Fey/Celtic Mythology will also understand the allusion in the title.
I did have a prologue, but the response to Chapter 1 has prompted me to move the prologue deeper into the novel (now acting as a flashback/interlude near the middle of the novel) and open the novel with Rowan finding the note. I’m really happy with the decision and it seems readers will be too.
Pacing is something I try to keep under control. I like the novels I read to move at a nice clip and so I obviously try to do that with my own writing. I’m not a fan of verbose, chunky sections of description and try to keep it out of my own writing. Some people like that Robert-Jordan-Style of writing and they may have issues with Through Bended Grass, but to me Rowan needs to be the centre of the story. I chose to write in first-person knowing that it would sacrifice some of the description found in third-person writing, but apparently by your words I’m doing a pretty good job of keeping up!
Thanks for dropping by, hope to see you around often.
Jax,
I think you’re right about that. Luckily for me Rowan’s the only POV character in the novel, and thus the only one whose head I really get into, and she is, for the most part, pretty sane; so I don’t mind having a bit of her rub off on me.
May 5th, 2008 at 9:22 am
Hello Aidan,
I read your excerpt and also all comments. To be honest, after reading comments I was not really sure whether to write a comment or not. It seems that some of the responder are familiar with writing stories. I’m just a reader and English is not my native language.
I really like your first chapter. The story sparked my interest in how it will continue. There are a lot of open questions (which have been mentioned in other comments)and
after reading the last sentence of chapter one I clicked several times on the next page button.
“The forest, loam and earth. Life. Primal. Death. Magic”
It seems Rowan has some knowledge about supernatural things and I expect they are connected to her youth in Ireland.
I like the “rhythm” of your writing.
For me every writer has a “rhythm” and you hit the one I like.
Your sentence structure is not too intricate.
So when do you we get the next chapter?
May 6th, 2008 at 10:35 am
I’m certainly glad you left a comment! It’s just as important to hear from readers as it is from writers. In fact, I welcome the opinion of anyone’s who interested in sharing it, only that way will I best learn how to reach a wide audience.
I agree with you that authors have a certain rhythm to their words. It’s one of the things that I think most effects my ability to enjoy a novel, so I’m glad to know that I’m hitting on one you like, we probably have similar taste in novels, I expect!
The next chapter, eh? I’ve been really spurred on by the positive response to the first excerpt, so maybe it’s time to reward my readers with another glimpse at Rowan’s story.
Time will tell!
May 7th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Hello Aidan, thank you very much for your answer.
I also like your blog A Dribble of Ink.
I took a look at your bookshelves at Goodreads and I found similarities.
I’ll send you a message on Goodreads soon.
Enjoy writing