8 Responses

1. Tia

   September 1, 2008 at 4:53 pm

   I think some adverbs and adjectives are weakening its punch. Here are my tweaks:

   Torn from his home by his Faerie father, seven-year-old Lewis might be the key to winning a centuries old war waged by the Tuatha De Dannan and their delusional King. As Rowan, his single mother, searches for her son, she is pursued from the streets (passive voice–chased by whom or what? Rearrange with a subject so it is not passive.) of Ireland (Be specific. Dublin? Waterford?) to a Fey world filled with twisted (twisted how?) legends such as Saint Patrick, Oberon, and The Morrigan. Rowan and her son are soon at the centre of conflict as an ancient war is brought back to life and two worlds, human and fey, collide.

   The ending is very vague. I’d like to know exactly who they are facing and what Rowan is facing. Get specific about who or what is chasing her and what the stakes are. Will Lewis die? Will he lose his soul? Is the father her ultimate enemy? Are the caricatures of legends trying to harm them? It sounds like it has a lot of action, so try let more of it show in the blurb.

2. Sean

   September 22, 2008 at 10:24 am

   Hey Shawn,

   The blurb sounded good. As with anything, it can always be strengthened. I agree with Tia that the sentence “Rowan, Lewis’ mother” reads very very awkwardly. (altho to be fair i found her revision to be even more awkward). The ending is vague, but I’m not sure that that’s so much of a problem. It seems to be somewhat common place (from the blurbs I’ve read), and personally, i find it distracting when too many details get thrown into these. Even the “war waged by the Tuatha De Dannan” while this is pivotal to the plot, i am sure, having no connection or ties established to the book, many readers will just see **long strange name** skim it and, if anything, be slightly turned off.

   This does bring up another interesting point, that I don’t believe you’ve discussed and I don’t recall anyone having yet to ask:

   Does Lewis have a point of view? Are we going to follow him throughout the book? Are there Lewis chapters? And if not, then to give you advice you gave me, he shouldn’t be in your blurb/query letter. From all accounts I have read, it sounds like the book is centered around Rowan and her plight (which part of is saving her son Lewis) and yet the blurb opens up with lewis, and then makes an awkward mention of his mother.
   Well, anyways, i could ramble on, but this is where i’ll stop so as not to dilute any halfway decent points i’ve brought up.

3. Sean

   September 22, 2008 at 10:26 am

   And p.s. Obvously that was supposed to say Hey Aidan, not hey shawn, i was perusing shawn speakman’s sight on my other browser and did a poor job of multi-tasking.

4. JS Chancellor

   September 23, 2008 at 8:14 am

   This blurb would force me to buy the book at the bookstore. So, the really important question is…when can I do that?

5. Diana

   November 9, 2008 at 9:37 am

   Quite frankly, as a layperson, and avid reader that blog would have immediately caught my attention. Obviously you all seem to have more information about the book itself, so I can’t comment as thoroughly, however, I do hope that the book does jump at times between the mother and son. I think it is the word “As” that weakens the introduction of Rowan. Perhaps just Rowan Hayes, Lewis’s single mother….. I concur with Shawn about the name, but again, I feel that it just becomes subconciously stored information that then becomes a familiar “feeling” when one begins to read. Is this book out yet?

6. Ranke Lidyek

   November 20, 2008 at 1:40 am

   I like your blurb overall. It might be better to start with the inciting event through the eyes of your protagonist as a general rule; in other words, filter it straight away through Rowan. Also, you use “violently” twice… Cut: “relentlessly”, I think. Perhaps restructure the sentence with her pursuers as the nouns acting… (or pursuing)

   The last sentence should have AS instead of “and” as well, I think…. (I hate trying to write blurbs; you have my condolences–it ain’t easy….)

   Perhaps:

   When Rowan Hayes, a single mother, discovers seven-year-old son Lewis missing, she vows to recover him. Lewis’ father, a Faerie ____ has abducted her son, intent on using the boy as a lynchpin in a centuries-old war waged by the Tuatha De Dannan and their delusional King. As Rowan Hayes searches for her son, ____ pursues her from the real world streets of Ireland to a fantastic Fey world filled with twisted legends – Saint Patrick, Oberon, The Morrigan and more. Rowan and her son are soon at the centre of conflict as an ancient war is brought back to life and two worlds, human and fey, violently collide.

   Not sure if this is useful…. Hope it helps…

7. Swift

   December 9, 2008 at 8:14 am

   I always like blurbs… They’re often horrible to write, however very easy to re-write. You can nit pick at it again and again, chipping away at it and it will NEVER be perfect.

   However it is nice to produce just something and say ‘this, this is it’. Congrats… And it sounds good.

8. Shawn Speakman

   December 19, 2008 at 11:00 am

   Dude. Where are you at in your writing? Drop me a line!

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